Episode 43: Trust the Spin Doctors

“A mostly peaceful protest to ‘End the Hate’ was marred by violence as a vigilante shot a peaceful and unarmed protester,” the network reporter began, “and the local sheriff’s department ran roughshod over campus police, arresting art students setting up for an exhibition. Brutal law enforcement thugs then locked down the campus in a shocking infringement of students’ academic freedom. The governor has asked the FBI to investigate. Meanwhile, we’re told to expect a special announcement from Senator Castillo in her closing statement at the Andrews Transphobia Trial today. Might the senator finally answer the people’s call and declare her candidacy for president?”

“Yo, zoomers! What a wild night! It’s ya’ boy, Zoomcaster, here, with the straight scoop on what went down last night. While all eyes were on Senator Castillo’s ‘End-the-Hate’ rally, a bunch of out-of-town activists were apparently engaging in an impromptu ‘pyrographic art exercise.’ Seriously! That’s what they called it when the sheriff got wind of them making Molotov cocktails. He blocked off campus, surrounded the Field House, and arrested them all. Talk about sus! But the sheriff must not have gotten them all, because a couple hours after the rally ended, protesters attacked the downtown area, smashing windows and setting cars on fire. They were turned back at the courthouse when a deputy shot one of the arsonists. Let your squad know what’s going on – get them to follow me, and don’t forget to ‘Like’ and ‘Subscribe!’”

“You’re watching the number one conservative videocast in the entire universe,” another videocaster began. “How did a so-called ‘peaceful protestor’ who was shot by a law enforcement officer end up with third degree burns over so much of his body? It’s because that so-called peaceful protester wasn’t peaceful at all! He was about to throw a Molotov cocktail at the law enforcement officer who shot him, and at the occupied courthouse! I’ve been entirely consistent on this, folks, and I’ve always denounced violence on BOTH sides. Facts and logic, folks. Not violence. Facts and logic.”

“What passes for police practice in America will no doubt appear brutal and barbarous to viewers accustomed to our famously benevolent ‘bobbies,’ expertly well-trained to de-escalate any…” The British reporter spied the mayor approaching him. “It’s the mayor… Mr. Mayor! Do you have anything to say to the friends and family of the peaceful protester your vigilantes shot and killed last night while he was peacefully…”

“We don’t take law enforcement advice,” the mayor interrupted without breaking stride as he walked past, “from people who let foreigners rape their little girls and say nothing about it for fear of being called ‘racist.’” The mayor vanished into the courthouse.

“All that remains of the great cause of the State versus the infidel Andrews,” the gray-haired reporter typed, “is the formal business of bumping off the defendant. There may be some legal jousting and some gaudy oratory today, but the main battle is over, with transgenderism completely triumphant, and their thugs vandalizing the streets of this city. Judge Connor finished the benign business yesterday by leaping with soft judicial hosannas into the arms of the prosecution. The commentary of the sardonic Travis consisted of bringing down a metaphorical custard pie upon the occiput of the learned jurist, whereupon the judge cited and jailed the senator for contempt.”

“Freedom of speech suffered a body-blow last night,” another reporter declared, “as peaceful protesters were shot down in the streets and academic freedom was jeopardized by brutal law enforcement thugs storming onto campus and shutting down an art exhibit. We’re told however, that Senator Castillo may soon be answering the people’s call to end the hate and may declare her candidacy as soon as her closing remarks, anticipated to come in the trial today.”

“Inspiration inhalation time,” began a balding man. “Deep breath in… hold it… and out. In my analysis, if I am perceived to be opposed to the transgendered, and I’m being 100 percent serious here, the transgendered and their allies have convinced me that my life is at risk if I’m seen as supportive of Dr. Andrews in any way. So, my analytical conclusion is to take the safe way out, and for the record The Great Analyzer is unequivocally condemning Dr. Andrews’s transphobia, failure to apologize, lack of empathy, and any other negative aspects the transgender advocates point out. Am I right? Of course, I am. Let me explain.”

“Police viciously shot and burned a peaceful, unarmed protestor overnight,” another reporter emoted, “then they brutalized and arrested art students preparing for an exhibition on campus. This morning, we’ll be talking with experts about why vigorous expressions of public opinion are a good thing, and how police brutality is symptomatic of the oppressive systemic racism that still grips our country and threatens free speech and academic freedom, too. Everyone’s clamoring for someone to do something about the hate and the police brutality. We’re hearing that Senator Castillo, champion of ending the hate, may be answering the people’s call in her closing statement at the Andrews Transphobia Trial, later today.”

“Now I’ve seen everything,” the Dangerous Tranny laughed. “Senator Castillo’s Antifa thugs caught on campus preparing their incendiaries, and the best excuse they can come up with is a ‘pyrographic art exhibition.’ Her shills in the media are happily repeating the obvious bald-faced lie and gushing that Senator Castillo is about to ‘answer the peoples’ call.’ You know, darlings, you want to know why the trolls and the alternative media are winning? It’s because every time the legacy media lies, they burn a little more of their credibility. Every time they say, ‘trust us,’ and feed us their obvious lies, fewer people believe them. Fewer people pay attention to them. The alternative media? People realize while we might be wrong, at least we’re not deliberately lying to them.”

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